Second Match Maker Disaster

     Dating in your 50's is just fraught with peril.  This time it only took two phones and two follow up e-mails calls to know to run like the wind!
     My match makers are frum (observant) match makers and apparently they got my second match from a less frum dating site, since no orthodox Jewish man will accept me as a match.  Due to being new to all these Jewish dating sites, I didn't really grasp that I might be matched with a Jew that was opposed to orthodoxy.
     Yes, we both are extremely spiritual.  Yes, I could share my spiritual experiences on the first phone call freely.  However, when I sent many pictures of me in Israel with one with my rabbi in the West Bank and one pointing at the Dome of the Rock and wishing it wasn't there on our holiest sight on the planet, that's when the deal breaker occurred.  He is a leftist, conservative Jew and thinks that the orthodox Jews on the right are a danger to Israel, since they want to keep the West Bank and rebuild the temple one day.   He also started attacking me for my references not being Jewish enough, since I'm a convert.  That's a huge violation of Torah to make a proselyte feel that they aren't fully Jewish.  Once he had me dumbfounded into silence,  he went into a long oratory about Judaism for the next two hours!  Great getting to know you talk.
      In my rebuttal e-mail I wrote:

    "I'm glad that you came into my life, though it can be disturbing to see what I look like from your perspective.  I never thought that I'd find someone similar to me, and I realize that you speak from a truthful, unfiltered heart, as well.  I do feel that around you I will have to be more careful with my words---guarded, until your honestly is more embraced with mercy.  Since we are both on the spectrum, perhaps this is your blind spot.  Your approach works well for patients, I'm sure.  I'm not trying to be your patient.  I'm trying to see if we're each other's love of their life.    Our first conversation was spiritual and uplifting and filled with promise.  We are so much a like, yet last night, I felt belittled by being categorized as a right wing Orthodox Jew who was really a Christian and enemy of Israel.  It's funny how I really only serve G_d.  Yes, my ego and my lack of understanding of other forms of Judaism get involved at times, but as I progress in the wisdom that G_d leads me to learn, I'm sure my ego will become less involved and my understanding of Judaism will become more profound.      G_d has planned my life with every unique struggle, success, and path.  By categorizing me as an enemy to Israel, you've categorized G_d (my creator) as an enemy to the Israel that your ego wants.  Remember, if G_d wants Israel to thrive, it will in the way that He wants it to thrive.  We are only mosquitoes in his plan.  "Man plans and G_d laughs."    My hope is that in the future we can again have a more spiritual, uplifting conversation and celebrate our uniqueness, share what we've learned, and respect the other's views in a loving, merciful way.  My hope is to learn more about how your day or week went, what Bhakti did lately.  Thank you btw for what you have taught me so far.      May your next few days be deeply blessed with beautiful blue skies and sunshine and the waters reach out to you to embrace you with G_d's love.  May your loved ones also embrace you with their tenderness and love.  Happy Birthday!     Mazal Tov and Shabbat Shalom,              Isolde"

        Of course he came back with a detailed rebuttal of his own and even criticized my birthday blessing for him by saying that I was trying to cleanse him of sin in a Mikvah or Baptism.  He added that we wouldn't be needing to discuss mundane things like what we did during the week or the cats.  We weren't a match.

       I was amazed that I couldn't put polite boundaries on a relationship therapist without him breaking up with me.  It was clear why he'd never been married.  He embraced his unfiltered honesty with no mercy as his strength and didn't see or care that it pushed every love interest away eventually.  He also added a strategy of non commitment---dating goyim (women that weren't Jewish), so they'd never be Jewish enough for him, like my ex-fiance did.

       In my defense, I explained that I was trying to spiritually energize him with the water reference for his birthday per one of his references of water being a spiritual conductor, not a mikvah or baptism reference for cleansing him of sin.  Then I added that this was exhausting and agreed that we weren't a match, wished him "Shabbat Shalom," and ended our match on the dating site.

      While I was writing my rebuttal to my failed second match, my jolly, culturally Jewish, limo guy from Marin that could lose 100 pounds called to see how I was doing.  He made me smile.  He hired my son the day before as a limo driver and told me that he wanted to take care of me.  He knew that I was a rich girl that lost her money, and he wanted to make me a rich girl again.  I certainly gave the modest life with a religious man a try for 3 years.  So what he heck!  He earned some "acts of love" points with me.  

       In that moment I realized how at ease I was with him.  He wasn't observant at all, but he loves my spirituality and doesn't mind me being a kosher modern orthodox Jew.   I'm going to figure out how not to be his codependent, but help him to be healthy, and we're going to take care of each other like married couples do.  We both were married for over 20 years and know the work and communication that it takes to create and keep a good marriage.


P.S.  To my blog readers:  If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at:  https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960         Thank You!