Long before I converted to Modern Orthodox
Judaism, I agreed to their interaction rules which are not very different from my professional rules of modesty and male and female interaction. I already had definite opinions as a former corporate engineer and the only
woman in my department about what rules were appropriate and what were not for
interactions between the sexes and knew that the way I dress was the first step to communicating across sexes and how I communicated ideas had to be constantly examined for sexism and modified for my male audience.
My peers also had to adjust to me being around. They never let their wives meet me. After all, I was the blond bomb shell that
was quite an effective corporate engineering spy. What wife would want me working next to their
husband day in and day out, though I was no threat to their marriage? I knew the playing field and did what I could
to dress professionally and cover up around so many male engineers, many of
whom routinely visited lingerie luncheons---risqué fashion shows at bad
restaurants which diminished the respectability of women. Once these coworkers even tried to leave me
out of the engineering bonding activity, the male softball league, but I
insisted upon being the manager of the team, if women couldn’t play. The sexes have to have a safe playing field
upon which to interact and build respect for and understanding of each other.
Conversations between the sexes is
crucial to learning that opposite sexes are more than just sexual objects, but
are valuable allies and resources. I
remember when I was a Christian and I had a new pastor who was unable to talk
to women for fear of having an affair. I
wrote him an uplifting letter expressing my sympathies for his scars from his
father’s affair, but I looked forward to seeing him evolve passed that. Instead he embraced and nurtured his wound,
showed a movie to the congregation about how he was scarred, and made it his
cross to bear. He remained quite defensive toward women needing to converse with him privately. For instance, when I went to tell the pastor
the results of my surgery---that I didn’t have a cancerous tumor and wasn’t
going to die after all, his wife saw me standing next to him and rushed over by
his side like a trophy wife rushing over to guard her husband from another
attractive woman. I was aghast!
This pastor became quite popular
and built a huge church. What if this
pastor teaches this practice to a lot of men and women? Then women will have fewer opportunities in
business. How do you take a woman with
you to Malaysia who is vital for the business negotiation with this kind of
Neanderthal mentality? You don’t. This mentality is dangerous to women. We are not all after men for sex and
security. We want to work and have job opportunities
and independence.
So what do we do? We learn to look at everyone as people, not
men and women. We learn not to dress
provocatively at work, unless that’s part of our work that we choose to do. We learn to examine our own feelings
continuously and test them with the questions, “If he were a woman, would I say
or do this?” “If she was a man, would I
say or do this?” “Is my jealousy of my spouse’s boss, coworker, or subordinate
based upon fact or my own insecurities?
Maybe I should get to know this person better, so I’ll feel better and
not limit a career or friendship unnecessarily.”
P.S. To my blog readers: If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960 Thank You!
P.S. To my blog readers: If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960 Thank You!
