It became obvious to me that I could not juggle three men and a new job. I needed to narrow down which man was my bashert, my soul mate. The limo guy was being kept away by G_d himself. Who else could prevent a man from making it to a Shabbat dinner with my finest wine and crystal goblets and my friends and family? His limo's coolant hose busted twice to keep him from the dinner! He also lost his license due to health reasons, so our whole summer went by without any contact. I was amazed that he lost 60 pounds after he met me. He said, "I fell in love with you at first sight!"
I rebutted, "There's a lot more to me that what you see."
When I broke it off with him, I just said, "I think that G_d is keeping us apart, and we can't fight G_d." He painfully agreed. He called me in the early morning hours, but disconnected before I could answer.
The fourth match, an MIT-trained naval engineer from Virginia just was difficult with which to converse. He'd get into an oratory and seemed like he spent way too much time with his mom. Having never been married at 60 raised a whole lot of flags, so I finally told him that I didn't think that we were a match and not to waste his time on me.
With the field narrowed, I focused on my third match-maker match, who's name means "Shining Joy" in English. He wanted me to fly to Seattle to visit, but I told him that I was on a tight budget and couldn't afford it. He agreed to get me a plane ticket, so I got a substitute for the extra day that I'd be gone, cancelled my Rosh Hashana dinner plans, and excitedly told my friends about him.
Then he sent me a text telling me that he couldn't arrange the ticket, because I'd be traveling on a non-emergency basis to return to Sacramento for work late of the second Holy Day. "To fly you to Seattle to celebrate Rosh Hashana, to meet, and be welcomed into my community, then send you back prematurely (on a non-emergency basis) would be generally perceived as a very bad choice to begin our life together in Heaven, and on Earth. An I want our life together to be Heaven on Earth. I believe I saw certain coalescent light with scintillation of soft brilliance when I saw you, your beautiful face leading a comet of light. Your hair was shorter, you were eternal, but only as an authentic Torah observant Jewish couple: neither too stringent for you, nor too lenient for me."
"So I cancelled my arrangements and got a sub and your cancelling on me visiting? I'm in a spiritual state of Israel and have been since I was 12 (meaning G_d and I have been communicating since then). If you are in the state of Israel, then you only have to observe one day (not the two days off work in other countries). Though G_d just inspired me with this thought, I wouldn't use this unless I had to. I wouldn't want other Jews to misunderstand and be upset or misled. At least my community completely understands why I'm doing this, since they've watched me work myself to the bone to keep this home on one income.
"Well, I'm terribly disappointed, shamed, and embarrassed at the thought of having to explain this to the people I've told. Not a great way to fall asleep after a hard day."
"If your meriting the love of an upright, good-hearted, G_d-fearing, mature and responsible, truthful, Jewish man, not a worm that eats dirt, for a husband to be so, so to speak, I'm terribly sorry to spoil your plans, and lose face, not to take the word of experienced, living Judaism. Tell them that you are a Jew, and you accepted 613 strings attached to liberation as other like minded warriors. And not make war on your Maker....treat kindly, many with love, few at odds, all. But especially fellow Jews. In your case, there is also pure romantic love, a durable spiritual union, with enough modest carnal desire to keep you fulfilled...., loved, concerned, considerate, and interested, comforted, and consoled as only an enlightened. Like one's dearest friend on Earth saved you from stepping into spiritual danger...but for real. If that's all I was put here to do, not harm, only help, as a Torah observant Jewish man possibly can. I regret your current discomfort. I could not have cared more about you. I still do. I still care. That's what great husbands do. I am sorry you don't understand yiras shamayim, the Jewish doctrine of mutual responsibility. That's everything. Everlasting.
"Together, what happens to you, happens to me too. You're a semi-physicist. We are entangled. Not because we should. BUT because we must. Love came easy. Fear came after. If not now, for you certainly later. That's the frequency. Every time a Jew sins, the Jewish people bear some responsibility.
"Hey, thanks for the mitzvah mister. Hey what's your name? It doesn't matter. Why? You don't undo pairs of photons. Look at one, the other flips. I didn't have to dig all the way to Israel to discover this. Just to hell, and back. I can take on all your financial debt. Just not the spiritual kind of liabilities.
"If this makes sense: honk once. If this makes no sense: do nothing. Marriage is a holy merger. I cannot believe this does not matter to you in the Holy recesses." He kept going on while I was sleeping and probably blew a head gasket waiting for my response.
I finally awoke and quickly replied, "I understand what you are saying. I'm disappointed, but will still keep the possibility of our marriage in my heart. I have just ended all my other male friendships to invest fully in our relationship. I must go to work. I have parent teacher night tonight.
"I was able to get my invitation back for Rosh Hashana, but now have no escort for my late night walk home which worries my host, but I know how to get home without being seen. I did it many times in Tahoe without a walking escort. I had to worry about mountain lions, mountain men, and bears back then. I hope that you recovered from your lack of sleep."
He wrote back, "What's your home delivery? I am going to order 2nd day air delivery of 1) 25,000,000 Volt mini stun gun, and 2) police and bear strength campers' pepper spray. Do you want them in black or pink? ...It is not permissible to carry anything outside of the eruv on Shabbat. However, there is an exception in your case for self protection (pekuach nefesh) for defensive weapons devices. You may also carry firearms, but I hope that you would never need them B"H."
"No worries about buying me weapons. I already have them. I just didn't know that I could carry them on Shabbat. Yom Tov I can carry. We do have and eruv and I created an eruv in my gated community. I took some Matzah to my orthodox neighbors house in here to create the eruv."
"I have a compound bow, too," I added. "I got attacked twice at UC Berkeley, and once didn't go so well. But it got me to get a mace license and take hapkido. My psychopathic brother was a junior state champion wrestler, and I also had to defend myself every day from him. I showed him that I could kick his nose into his brain, so he stopped bothering physically. He tried to abuse me in an e-mail last week. We speak every 10 years or so, so I asked him why he was so abusive? He told me to F-off. Not great emotional composure for a business man. lol It's funny that I can push the buttons of this man."
My shining joy had mentioned that his mom was going in for surgery, so it was a good thing that I was not flying in to Seattle, since he had to fly to New York to see her. So I added, "May you have a safe journey and may Hashem guide the doctors' hands while they operate on your mom. B"H My thoughts and prayers are with you. Make sure that you are with your mom. Mine died suddenly the night before her surgeries due to an error, so I never got to feel the last warmth of her hand and kiss her warm forehead. At least I told her that I loved her over the phone."
My shining joy replied, "I want you with me. All of you. Your depth of goodness always mine, always yours."
"Sounds wonderful. It's comforting to know that there is a human who wants to lighten my load and truly love me with pure love and not pure lust or as a guide to navigate the upper class echelons. Shabbat Shalom."
He added, "My heart comes to rest in your hands. My mind finds peace in your heart. Any all is well in the world knowing how close we are. Shabbat Shalom"
"You warm my heart with your words." I definitely narrowed down the field correctly!
P.S. To my blog readers: If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960 Thank You!
Saturday, September 19, 2015
The Search for My Bashert
Being the former corporate spy I did my research on my new match. He'd given kosher protein bars to an Israeli athlete that could not find kosher ones for her training per an old internet post. He had a webpage that connected local Seattle businesses, too. On Aug. 29th, Shabbat, the visiting ex-wife from Seattle of one of our prominent Torah scholars confirmed that she knew this man and told me that he was a good man. She routinely ate near him at Kiddish on Shabbat. He was very serious and handsome. When I asked why he and his wife divorced, she said that he was controlling, but he'd done some work on that over the years.
Though I did briefly talk to him right before Shabbat, he was trapped in a car carpooling 9 and 10 year old kids who were intently listening. I completely understood. When a parent carpools, they get to hear their kids talk freely with their friends while forgetting their parent is in the car. It's a great time to be innocuous and just listen and learn about your kids; however, if you're the one talking, then the kids get to learn about you! A first conversation with a love prospect would not be the best thing for your own kids to over hear, of course.
Finally on Sunday after Shabbat I looked forward to his call. He ended up at a music festival all day which was a little irritating. Was he really serious about talking with me? Once he returned he carved out a little time for me before evening prayers. I love his Carl Sagan-like voice. He definitely is a man of science. We effortlessly talked during the little time that we had. Our conversation was short and sweet with hope for future conversations, but I wondered if my heart would ever really open up again.
My match makers found yet another match to my surprise. He was on the East Coast in Virginia. He is also a man of science---engineering. He also liked to travel to exotic places. That sounded great! He isn't orthodox though. He also wasn't as attractive to me, and I had no way to find out if he was real. I did my background check on him and found Linkin pages, where he lives, and that all his relatives live around him in Richmond, Virginia. He was probably going to want me to move there should we be a match. I'd give him a chance, at least.
In the meantime, suiter #3 and I talked again. I just felt at ease and the conversation was interesting and flowed. We both had a deep connection to G_d. We both told each other a brief synopsis of our life journeys, as brief as you can be after living over 50 years. We closed on a beautiful note as he had to leave to go pray again at his synagogue.
He texted me late into the night, "On my way home I sat by rippling waters. Still wild geese watched me think about you."
I adored this line and responded, "How beautiful and sweet. Water is such a spiritual conductor and certainly connects us."
"Torah: Jews: water: humans. Erev Shabbat Shalom."
"Interesting. I hope that you had a great day! My students watched me think about you. Erev Shabbat Shalom, too."
"Just about physics: I touched her. She was more light than form. She touched me back. That was all it took to get waves of love to flow back and forth like breathing adoring moments."
Oh, suddenly after reading that my heart warmed. This man knew how to talk to me---in the language of harmonics, my favorite subject in physics at U.C. Berkeley!
"And the wave periods aligned amplifying the harmonic oscillation of the two waves," I quickly responded as my students came into my classroom and stood around me before the bell rang. "What? It's still my lunch break!" I smiled at my students while I texted in front of them for once, instead of them texting in front of me.
Later I texted, "You're very poetic btw. I'm enjoying this aspect of you. My students got into my classroom early, so I hurridly finished my other response to you. I will smile all during Shabbat while thinking of you."
"Let's meet. As a rib taken while I slept. I want to kiss you once before Rosh Hashana. We should be together soon. Hours have passed, since I wrote five other drafts. I just need to know if we are destined for each other's tender embrace. But we can get in our cars, GPS our mutual destination, drive until we meet, rest at peak amplitude, then decide who's driving the rest of the way to paradise. Poetry wax. It's going to be a bumper crop after 34 years of drought. It happens when I turn my attention to you. The feeling is warm as a pulse and deep."
"I haven't written any decent poetry for 10 years. I, too, have been in a drought. I would love to meet you also to see if you are who G_d made for me." Then I proposed how to drive to each other, but ended that it's safest to fly, and we should probably Skype first.
Then he told me that he knew in his heart that I was his bashert and that he wanted to betroth me on Rosh Hashana and marry me before the end of the Holy Days of Tishrei on Shmeni Etzeret.
.
I was uncomfortable with the speed of this betrothal. Once you're betrothed, you are considered married, but you can't touch each other until the actual wedding which could be months or a year or two later. I would have to cover my hair during the betrothal---just like I would when we married, since he's an orthodox man. The hair covering indicates to all other Jewish men that I'm married. I also didn't know much about him or if he really is over being controlling.
He is definitely quite knowledgeable in the Torah and a builder of the Seattle Orthodox community. He definitely is exactly what the Jewish prayer for a spouse requests. He definitely is the front runner of my three prospects.
P.S. To my blog readers: If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960 Thank You!
Though I did briefly talk to him right before Shabbat, he was trapped in a car carpooling 9 and 10 year old kids who were intently listening. I completely understood. When a parent carpools, they get to hear their kids talk freely with their friends while forgetting their parent is in the car. It's a great time to be innocuous and just listen and learn about your kids; however, if you're the one talking, then the kids get to learn about you! A first conversation with a love prospect would not be the best thing for your own kids to over hear, of course.
Finally on Sunday after Shabbat I looked forward to his call. He ended up at a music festival all day which was a little irritating. Was he really serious about talking with me? Once he returned he carved out a little time for me before evening prayers. I love his Carl Sagan-like voice. He definitely is a man of science. We effortlessly talked during the little time that we had. Our conversation was short and sweet with hope for future conversations, but I wondered if my heart would ever really open up again.
My match makers found yet another match to my surprise. He was on the East Coast in Virginia. He is also a man of science---engineering. He also liked to travel to exotic places. That sounded great! He isn't orthodox though. He also wasn't as attractive to me, and I had no way to find out if he was real. I did my background check on him and found Linkin pages, where he lives, and that all his relatives live around him in Richmond, Virginia. He was probably going to want me to move there should we be a match. I'd give him a chance, at least.
In the meantime, suiter #3 and I talked again. I just felt at ease and the conversation was interesting and flowed. We both had a deep connection to G_d. We both told each other a brief synopsis of our life journeys, as brief as you can be after living over 50 years. We closed on a beautiful note as he had to leave to go pray again at his synagogue.
He texted me late into the night, "On my way home I sat by rippling waters. Still wild geese watched me think about you."
I adored this line and responded, "How beautiful and sweet. Water is such a spiritual conductor and certainly connects us."
"Torah: Jews: water: humans. Erev Shabbat Shalom."
"Interesting. I hope that you had a great day! My students watched me think about you. Erev Shabbat Shalom, too."
"Just about physics: I touched her. She was more light than form. She touched me back. That was all it took to get waves of love to flow back and forth like breathing adoring moments."
Oh, suddenly after reading that my heart warmed. This man knew how to talk to me---in the language of harmonics, my favorite subject in physics at U.C. Berkeley!
"And the wave periods aligned amplifying the harmonic oscillation of the two waves," I quickly responded as my students came into my classroom and stood around me before the bell rang. "What? It's still my lunch break!" I smiled at my students while I texted in front of them for once, instead of them texting in front of me.
Later I texted, "You're very poetic btw. I'm enjoying this aspect of you. My students got into my classroom early, so I hurridly finished my other response to you. I will smile all during Shabbat while thinking of you."
"Let's meet. As a rib taken while I slept. I want to kiss you once before Rosh Hashana. We should be together soon. Hours have passed, since I wrote five other drafts. I just need to know if we are destined for each other's tender embrace. But we can get in our cars, GPS our mutual destination, drive until we meet, rest at peak amplitude, then decide who's driving the rest of the way to paradise. Poetry wax. It's going to be a bumper crop after 34 years of drought. It happens when I turn my attention to you. The feeling is warm as a pulse and deep."
"I haven't written any decent poetry for 10 years. I, too, have been in a drought. I would love to meet you also to see if you are who G_d made for me." Then I proposed how to drive to each other, but ended that it's safest to fly, and we should probably Skype first.
Then he told me that he knew in his heart that I was his bashert and that he wanted to betroth me on Rosh Hashana and marry me before the end of the Holy Days of Tishrei on Shmeni Etzeret.
.
I was uncomfortable with the speed of this betrothal. Once you're betrothed, you are considered married, but you can't touch each other until the actual wedding which could be months or a year or two later. I would have to cover my hair during the betrothal---just like I would when we married, since he's an orthodox man. The hair covering indicates to all other Jewish men that I'm married. I also didn't know much about him or if he really is over being controlling.
He is definitely quite knowledgeable in the Torah and a builder of the Seattle Orthodox community. He definitely is exactly what the Jewish prayer for a spouse requests. He definitely is the front runner of my three prospects.
P.S. To my blog readers: If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at: https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960 Thank You!
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