My First Match Making

    Five years ago I left my corporate, mogul husband.  I left the life of a corporate vice president's wife.  I left the fast lane of wealth.  I left the women who had dreams of taking my place, finding out that they had only been his pawns.  I left the parties where I was to uplift all the employees by finding something real and wonderful about each one and conveying it to them in front of their spouses.
    During these last five years I've built different relationships with men.  Some dating friendships I found that I didn't want a man who had many things that owned him and his cash flow.  I didn't want the famous surfer who had a girlfriend and many girls on the side and was always worried about creditors coming after him in the night.  I didn't want the orthodox man who followed all the rules and had no relationship to G_d and never felt real loss.
    Over these years the one thing that I learned is that I don't know how to pick a man for me, so I got a Jewish match maker.  Finally my first match came in and what type of man was it?  It was a more successful version of my ex-husband of 23 years.  Thoughts of how easy that life would be for me to slip into once again.  Maybe since the man was orthodox, I wouldn't have the problem of all the emotional affairs with other women that I had with my first husband.  My corporate mogul brothers would again have a brother-in-law with which to talk business.  My father would be at peace that my beautiful life was reset to where it was originally broken.
    Right after I received my first match before our Holy Days, my oldest brother crushed me with his secret ---he can't be in the sun right now, because his skin cancer came back, so he couldn't climb Mt. Whitney with my son and me after all.  I promised my brother that I'd climb Whitney again with him, since it's on his bucket list.   I also told him that he couldn't die, because he was the only sibling that I liked.  What would I do without him?
    During our Holy Days of Shavuot I prayed often for my brother and the thought came to me about my climbing group for Mt. Whitney:  "Maybe I can give my brother's spot to this new match?  Wouldn't that be an amazing first date---climbing Mt. Whitney together.  Did G_d arrange this, since I had gotten the third spot for my mystery man?"
    When he called, he had a charming voice.  I was very pleased and spoke in my best voice.  He continued, "I don't normally do this, but I'm calling to tell you that there was a mistake.  I had declined you for geographical reasons, but they sent the match to you any way.  When I saw that you'd accepted it already, I wanted to call you and tell you what had happened."
     I could see my stoic face angled in a distant mirror quickly lose its hope and smile and I replied, "How honorable of you."
     "Well, I wish you well."
     "And I you."
     In a whirlwind I dashed to the laboratory to get my annual blood draw to see if I'd gotten cancer and if my ex-fiance gave me any sexual diseases.  I thought about how awful that would have been if I'd gotten involved with this new man, since he was a widower and his wife probably died from what I've prevented in myself---breast and ovarian cancer.  What if I finally succumb to my BRCA 1 gene mutation and get cancer somewhere else?  So far G_d has kept all cancer from me, but how long do I have?  A year or 50 years?  Only G_d knows how long He will keep me here, but I'd hate to make a man a widower twice.  Any way, I was not a match for him.
    Why did he think a phone call was more kind?  Now I've heard his pleasant voice and his care toward my feelings.  Now I've suffered more loss.  This was a kind and honorable version of my ex-husband.  This new man will never know how much of a match that we really are.  Most men make such decisions based on geography, but special people like me are rare.  One day one man will realize that I'm worth the distance and uncertainty for the loving moments and adventures that we'll have together.  I will have to trust that G_d will find him soon for me.


P.S.  To my blog readers:  If you want to support a struggling math/engineering teacher and author, please buy my first book, "The Romance of Kilimanjaro," soon to be followed by my second book at:  https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=9781613464960         Thank You!